last updated: sep 24, 2021
hello folks, i'm glad you're here. it always feels good when there are people listening to you without obligation, you know? In the time and age, where everyone's attempting to build an audience, some distribution, a community, probably a personal brand or if you'd like it this way, a fanbase. And honestly, that is leading to more and more of content, value, free gigs etc, but hola! where's your digital safe space buddy? if you are going to be judged for every word you type on any given platform, it is just going to be eh.. tiring. you can't let your thoughts flow freely without being judged by a random netizen and i don't like the idea of that at all. You wouldn't have been reading this if i had to confine within the 4 walls in my head jotting down cohesive thoughts and emotions overflowing at the speed of f*cking light with my nimble fingers failing to give justice to each and every feeling leading to... my grammar just going for a toss. so if you are planning to stick through this piece (or probably the rest of my writing journey) please pardon my grammar. I intend on writing these blogs in one sitting, just letting it all flow, without cause, without reason or sometimes, probably without any substance too.
The reason i've been so so inconsistent with writing here, is probably the fear of being judged for just the way i think. I've entertained alot of ideas, but lack of clarity or depth, has always held me from pushing the publish button. So this blog piece is the beginning of practicing an art, colloquially known as the "the subtle art of not giving a fuck". So here me out, while I blast to the tracks of Billy Joel, The Beetles & Ezra Furman in the background to set the vibe for the night!
First things first, I found myself spiralling endlessly in the bottomless pit of going viral, gaining traction & side hustles since the past few months. If you've been trying to do that without any reasoning or a plan, then you might just relate to this idk? But boy when i say it's frustrating, it is probably an understatement. I've been trying to *find* myself in all these endeavours waiting for the zinga! moment to no avail, and it only makes me sad to realise how hard playing the long-term game is. you know the funny thing about all these naval, warikoo or J. clear quotes is that you are not going to realise the gravity of what they say until you find yourself in that type of a situation. it needs to hit, it needs to make an impact your conscious in a way it never has. so i'd say don't fanboy over these ideas & quotes unless they really leave an impact on you. we are tooo young to have felt all ways and preach, so calm your horses & just keep it going. some given day, some random time of the day, it will all hit you thinking oh gosh, that makes sense now. so with everything that is going on in the world right now, don't try to make sense out of everything.
funnily enough, i've been trying to make sense of certain rules & principles that one should follow but never could. i've left that endeavour now, cause things will stick to you when the times right (in my case, probably after a big blunder i've made, lol - also, you, drop in some sad reax because i really make a ton of those!). and, the same goes for your headspace, routines & health. I've been out of sync on all of those for a while now. why it was worse, was because i always thought i had this never beat down attitude - but as it turns out, a lot of it really comes and goes in waves, buddy. but to try everyday, fail everyday is a little de-motivating to say the least.
every god damn day i find myself trying to build a proper 16 hour routine jam-packed with exercises, some good reading, working on my job, learning about random things via twitter, newsletters or be it working on a gazillion or more side project ideas i have. and you know the sad part? i thought hoarding on whiteboards, sticky notes, highlighters or bookmarks might just make it work, but as it obviously had to turn out, i haven't been able to do it all, in one single day ever since i set out on a goal to. and that, has made me run away from feel-good celebrity figures who preach a shit-ton of things that are VERY subjective in nature (not throwing names because they're doing well for themselves) ironically, ever since i've been trying to get in sync, i've only pushed myself further from where i want to be. in an angst to conquer it all, i forgot to look back at the person i'm becoming. self-introspection just became another word i frequently used, rather than practising (any of) it. So, please, no matter which mount everest or kilimanjaro you're set to climb, take some time off frequently to reflect on what you're becoming, there's no point of those small/big wins if you are losing your loved ones left right and centre.
while chasing these materialistic goals, PLEASE don't forget to practice empathy. put yourselves in the shoes of the other one as often as you stay in yours. that's a lesson i've learnt for life. i've found myself lazing in bed at times i should really hustling, i've found myself failing to take showers on days, i've found myself failing to gain interest in any of the books in my reading piles, i've found myself completely losing track of friends & family on their good & bad days -- and i'll say it out loud for everyone at the back, the hustle culture is oversold and it is probably not for everyone. now i might find myself in the same rut probably a week or a month hereon, but i guess we've to get the mojo rolling whenever we can, eh?
everyday of this struggle, you feel like you're out of sync, you don't know why or what you're doing. without a plan, that makes it all the more worse. but would you always have a plan for life i question? and the answer is easily going to be a no. no one knows what tomorrow is going to be all about. you might have the opportunity or occasion of your life gift wrapped in a camouflage suit, or it might just be a day your death warrant (a bit exaggerated, but i mean tragic incidents -- pardon my writing style, my personality is 90% hyperbole). so for the ones who are still with me, take some time off for yourself, don't get into guilt tripping yourself -- AH i wrote this exactly when our man billy sang "take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while" and it this is probably a sign to go underground, cut off the wrong people against your will step by step, and just take a detox for your own good.
gentle reminder: there is no one-size-fits all for how you need to spend your days, you can never account for the unexpected. I'm extremely grateful for coming through so far. this was me, writing for 28 minutes at stretch without thinking twice. this might be a structureless piece, so i pardon you if it didn't make sense at all. i just did it, to prove to myself, that i need to practice the subtle art of not giving a fuck!