the 22nd year of my life
[7:12am, 1st May, 2023]
i turn 22 today, and as i write this, i realised that the 22nd year of my life has been the slowest year of my life so far, it's the year where i haven't ONCE said 'oh fuck time is flying', because it really wasn't. All the wins were celebrated properly, all losses left us sulking for days, all ideas were brainstormed thoroughly, all conversations were not, for once done frantically. this was the year i actually felt like a proper adult. [lol]
I felt like i'm taking control of my life, a bit more every year [Exhibit A: slept at 12:10am last night, woke up at 7am, hitting the gym followed by a simple dinner with my significant other]
all-in-all, a year when things didn't feel as if they were rushed, although it can be easily deemed the year of mania. With a lot of experiments at ripen, a lot of struggles, financially & mentally for us & the company alike, a lot of deal-breakers, a lot of wins, a lot of giggles, a lot of tears, a whole lot of sad founder hours & 24*7*365 work days really didn't make anything feel 'fast'
before i get into this piece, here's a playlist i curated in 2021 that has never failed to remind me that everything is alright, just keep bopping, bopping hard!
i apologise but i've struggled far too much to write that 4/10 opener but unfortunately, i've been out of touch with writing for a decent while. i have an extremely bad brain fog which serves as an A1 reminder to start writing regularly, F.
Disclaimer: There's no value-add in this blog, it's a public journal of my past year. It's extremely basic & text heavy. Don't read it.
Socially:
i gave up on drinking, clubbing, partying, going out to kill time & instead rarely met the same person twice in a month, said 'no' whenever i felt like & made my peace with the lifestyle i found a liking for. i made a few people i'd call 'friends' from twitter, the internet & the ecosystem, while a huge lot of them just qualify for 'oh yeah, i know X.'
i didn't make as many new friends, but i made some new, quality ones. i lost touch with a bunch of friends, but i spent almost 90% of my social energy on Ritvik, Aviral, Tanya or my poker/football friends. that's it. and i've never been more at peace.
i was NEVER this person. i almost found more energy in social events. but not anymore, but i'm loving this Heet 2.0 - sometimes it doesn't feel natural, but i don't really care anymore. i've become very conservative of the relationships i want to invest in.
realisation(s):
- socially, my comfort spot is a circle of 7 people [at max]
- i love my company & personal space far too much, these days - i can be cranky if i don't get it
Professionally:
the year i saw a teaser on what life of a founder really is. probably still at 1%, but i have enough trauma, insights & self-awareness to last for a decade. a huge thing i've realised is how your company is really nothing but a reflection of you as a person, not just in terms of culture, but also in terms of shipping speed, creativity, execution style & the public image. it's how you live life, that directly impacts your company
i've always struggled to really write how my time as a founder has been, i've never ever been able to 'word it' the way i would want to, but all i can say is that it's been a lot of sleepless nights, a lot of epiphanies of the mistakes we've made, a lot of guilt, a lot of regret, a lot of 'i wish we did it this way', but at the same time, waking up with a hunger that's hard to describe, getting driven with ideas, visions, missions & the short-sweet texts users send, with every new project that has the potential to be 'so big' - my professional life is best depicted by a god-damn pendulum. it's consistently on the move.
realisation(s)
understood how founders *literally* define the culture
we thought we were fast making decisions, which we were, but unfortunately the wrong ones
prioritising the wrong things can almost de-rail the company
bad blood only makes things go downhill
how our product thesis has been re-iterated 3456 times
80% of the times, you're just making up 'work', because really, only 2 [at max] goals matter
showing up every day no matter what you're dealing can be toxic for your own self
hiring right is like winning the lottery. if you win, celebrate. if you don't, buy another ticket.
it's wise to take breaks, and maintain sanity by indulging in things outside work
optimising for problems that don't exist is the arch-nemesis of building fast & failing fast
taking calls all day isn't work, that's you pretending to work
treat everybody like human beings, not resources.
Financially:
nothing but trauma. our run-way was 3 months in June'22 when we decided to start raising. we closed a round in July-end, hoping we can access the money right when our runway ends. ended up taking 8 months before we could access it.
prior to raising, from April-Oct'22, we took a salary that gave us a purchasing power of 10K/month after rent & utilities. It was extremely cut-cut. We didn't want to liquidate any of our investments to get through this phase, because a raise meant we can probably get a little more comfort. But then came a time, when there was no option but to forego salaries for 7 months, and also support the company with whatever we could. Everybody contributed in different ways, whatever we could invest, was put in.
Tbh, i had to consult a company for a while just to cover rent for a few months. and also, playing (good) poker was the only way i was able to cover for my utilities for a solid quarter. it was survival mode, man. not only for our company, but for us too.
But those 7 months [aug'22-feb'23] were the most difficult months i've ever lived through. not only did we not have money to spend on ourselves [so minimum travelling, no shopping, no eating out], it also took a toll on our mental health. we couldn't grow as fast, we couldn't do anything. we felt paralysed. this was also the time when a couple of questionable hiring & business decisions were taken, only to make things worse.
'when money comes' used to be the MOST common dialogue in the RipenHQ flat.
Thankfully, Ritvik, Jivraj, Tanya & My dad supported me financially as much as they could, and i've never felt more grateful to have their love & support.
realisation(s):
the value of a 1,000 rupees
how intricate (read: pathetic) the Indian administration is
the value of emergency funds
how things will never go to plan, and you can't do anything about it
learnt to use the 'I'm broke' for a lot of months
the value of my closest friends & family, who offered to help at each step whenever they could
my definition of 'cheap' & 'expensive' changed completely
Physical Health:
First half was pretty bad. May-Jan was stressful with little to no physical activity. I was playing football every week, but that's it. I knew my body is fucked. From all the junk food, lack of physical activity, the smoking, that i've successfully quit from 31.12.22. My gut health was extremely fucked, till January'23. even though i'd quit all the vices. I tried to attempt Project Phoenix [which in bits & pieces, i did] - but it's time to do better.
In the past 3 months, diet has been better. i'm now used to soy/oat milk, so dairy isn't a part of my routine. i've found happiness in a morning routine & working out. life's better, now. i'm very pumped for what i want to physically do in the 23rd year of my life.
realisation(s)
we signed up, knowing how demanding this quest is. can't use it to not be fit.
nothing in the world is more permanent than our body. our jobs, companies all can shut down.
why it's important to treat your body like a temple.
what i eat, when i sleep defines my mood 90% of the times.
If i were to answer it in a list, here's what i did in the 22nd year of my life:
Hired a lot of people elder to me, leading them has been a curve, but a big W
Built an audience of 40,000 odd people for ripen
Travelled abroad for the first time [Vietnam] in March'23 with my family, went to Bali a month after
Raised a pre-seed round, big confidence boost for me as a founder & as a person
Found love, became a 100x better partner than before [long-distance]
Quit drinking, smoking & smoking up
Moved to a massive villa in Indiranagar - checked-off a dream of living in a hacker-house
Gave 10 odd online speaker sessions, also gave my first IRL one in Christ University, Bangalore
Bought my sister an iPad!
Failed to do Project Phoenix
Failed to launch a product for 12 months, but finally did, 2 weeks ago
Killed over 10 experiments at ripen.in [spent a month at least on each of them]
Learnt how to do a back-flip, and did a lot of parkour running
Stayed in shape, one way or the other
Stopped being active on all social media for 3-4 months, enjoyed the break
My quest for the 23rd year of my life:
I feel i'm in a good place, mentally & physically, although for the later i'm not happy with my current shape, so i'm going complete beast mode. Feel free to copy it if you like. Although, this year i'll be taking that chess class, that surfing lesson, that salsa class, that Dhamma Vipassana experience. this year, i want to live for myself too.
I feel like i'm in the ideal spot with almost everything in life. Financially, Physically, Romantically, Professionally -- i feel i'm ready to hit escape velocity. i feel like i'm exactly where 'the magic happens'. and for whoever knows me well, you know how much i love 'escape velocity' lol
But the real challenge for this coming year is all the same: insane mental strength.
Because mental strength will act as a catalyst to: think smarter, think rationally, show up when i don't want to, work-out when i don't want to, and most importantly, never give up. on love, on dreams, on people. i have a lot of experiments on how to increase my mental strength, more on that sometime soon.
Also, yes, I do not like birthdays but i definitely romanticise the entire year when i introspect. You'll see me doing this for the rest of my life (in all probability).
All my love,
Heet
What an amazing read!